Is it Me, or Not-Me, That is the Question...

An interesting idea was brought to my attention in regards to this whole blogging question. A good friend of mine was tasked with evaluating my blog here, and said that the voice on this blog is that of a character outside of myself. You know, like someone who is me, but not-me. This statement got me thinking. Am I portraying someone outside myself when I write this blog? Are the thoughts I post here just some fabricated reality; a person outside myself I've concocted to protect my true self from being seen?

My knee-jerk reaction is to say "What the fuck?" Of course this blog is me. It's coming from inside my head, and the stuff I spew out here is unadulterated Aubra mind-vomit. I'm not some wishy-washy fakesy-foolout person. Why the hell would I create a character? That doesn't seem like something I'd do, does it?

But then, I thought about it a bit more; I wondered, was this friend onto something? I mean yeah, the things I write here are my thoughts and ideas; but, I do check myself a bit. I know that there are people reading this thing, and regardless of how open and honest I set out to be I am protecting myself - at least a tiny bit. I know that if I were to say what I'm really thinking on a regular basis, there would be a huge potential for a riot.

Ok, maybe not a riot. I'm just some random person typing words on the interwebs; I'd be delusional if I thought I'd cause a real riot. But, I do realize that my honest thoughts can sometimes come off as caustic and a bit bitchy. Ok, a lot bitchy. And I also know that beyond the random interlopers who stumble upon this blog and actually read it (hello, are you out there? Why don't you ever comment damnit! I'm lonely) there are people from my class who I see on a daily basis who read this, not to mention that Professor person who is going to give me a grade at the end of the quarter. These are people who are my friends, people who I truly care about, and I don't want to offend them. So I do guard my thoughts, just a bit. And I check myself before posting the truly terrible ideas (not terrible for me, terrible for them), so that I won't inadvertently hurt them.

So I guess this friend of mine who evaluated my blog was right, sort of. Not in the sense that the person writing this blog isn't me; it's more that the person writing this person is a part of me. The part of me that I am comfortable sharing. It's the part of me that is cleaned up and approved for public viewing.

I'm wondering though, am I doing myself and this blog a disservice by doing this? Should I be talking about the things I really want to talk about? I mean I set this blog up for the world to view annyomously; I did it so I could spout the true feelings in my head. Yet, because it's posted on the classroom discussion board with my name attached to it, its lost the annoymous nature within my classroom. This, of course, lead me to protecting my friends from being hurt and myself from being screwed - academically speaking. It has caused me to think about topics I want to blog about, then toss them because I don't want to be offensive. (If you're wondering what sorts of topics, the one I'm thinking could be the most troublesome for me is my thoughts on religion, and my lack of it.)

So I ask you, readers, does it bother you that I'm only sharing a tiny bit of me here? Am I dumbing this shit down by only talking about the safe stuff? Or, am I doing the smart thing in protecting myself and my friends. I really do want to know.

Btw, to my friend who pointed this out when you critiqued my blog, I hope I didn't offend you with this post. I appreciate your feedback, and you really got me thinking, so thank you.

Ido